I need help.

Is it a behavior issue...or is he not feeling well...or a combination of both?

About three weeks ago, Logan started getting very upset when he sits down to eat and I put his food in front of him. When I set the food down in front of him, he immediately pushes his plate of the table onto the floor and yells or cries. If I force him to eat a bite (which really seems mean), he will usually resist the first few times, but then will start to eat (most of the time, but not all the time).

At first it was just every now and then, but it now happens at every meal. Last week, Logan came down with croup and a bad cough and I blamed his crabbiness at meals on that. I figured it was hard to eat when you are congested.

Now, he is getting angry everyday, all day. Everytime you want him to do something or even when he is just playing alone, he constantly gets mad and throws whatever is in his hand. Just like he throws his food.

A couple of days ago, I noticed that he is getting two teeth. They broke through his gums, but are just starting to come in. We thought he had all the teeth that he was going to get because his dentist said he was probably missing his upper canines. It has to be painful because there really is no room for them. Could his anger during meals times be because of his teeth, or is it a behavior problem?

Today, I took his to his first day of a class a the YMCA. It is a class for two year olds and I thought that he would do ok because he is typically so easy going. I was very nervous because of his recent behavior, but I was hoping he would be ok and have fun. Boy, was I wrong. His behavior was awful. He cried and threw everything he got his hands on. That is nothing like him!

I do know now that he isn't ready for this class, even without the behavior problems. This was the first time I have put him with typical kids his own age for a class...and it was very eye opening for me to say the least. He isn't ready to sit and listen to books being read or to sit and do art projects. I wanted to give it our best shot, but he's just not ready.

I don't know if I am going to give the class another chance...I'm not sure I could get myself to do it again. I have already contacted the YMCA to see if we can transfer to a different class for younger kids.

My hope is that we can just wait out the behavior stuff...maybe if it is his teeth, then it will pass. Or maybe it's a phase that will also pass. All I can say is that I don't know if my patients will last...I'm already to the end.


On a more positive note....
I have been meaning to post about a speech therapy session that Logan had a couple of weeks ago. His speech therapist recorded the words he said during the session. The stared words are ones he said spontaneously and the rest were imitations.
eyes*
woof*
baa
duck
beep
uhoh
woah
tongue
oink*
roll*
no*
ball*
okay*
hat
ooh ooh ah ah
nice
lights*
chomp
up*

I wish I could get him to talk to me the way he talks to her. He also followed many directions during the session.

IFSP and Transition Meeting

Logan had his IFSP yesterday and I can't believe that he is almost done with Birth-to-3. It's really sad to think that he is growing up so fast and the program has had such a positive impact on his development. I feel like his therapists genuinely care about him and I fear that I may feel very alone after he turns three. He will transition to our local school district and a representative attended the meeting, but I don't think the support with be the same. I am feeling that Dale and I will now have to step up and take charge of what happens from this point on, instead of a program taking care of us. Even though I am nervous about the change, I do feel ready to advocate for him and I am thankful for our strong support system of families going through exactly what we are going through.

I also am not ready to let him go...he's still my baby. At only about 30 inches tall, he is the size of most 18 month olds. I just want to keep him home with me! He's just way too little to go off to school!!

A new look!

I have given the blog a little makeover and I am hoping that this motivates me to start to blog regularly again! So, if you are reading from facebook, google reader, email, etc...stop on by and check it out and check back often...I promise that you won't be reading the same post for weeks at a time! :)

Where has October gone?

I can't believe I only posted three times this month!! And it was Down syndrome awareness month! Lately, I have been struggling with how to prioritize my time....and I guess blogging fell low on my list, but I am slowly getting more organized and feeling less frazzled. I just have too many things going at once right now. I am figuring it out though. I've found that I love photography, but struggle to decide how much time to devote to it. Time with my kids is number one, but there is always laundry to do, cleaning to attempt and groceries to shop for when I would rather play with my kids.
Down syndrome awareness month does mean a lot to me...in fact, I have spent a lot of time this month planning for next October. Planning for the Fox Cities Down Syndrome Awareness Walk has kept me thinking about what is important for me and other families who love someone with Down syndrome.
Logan is doing fantastic this month! He is showing off new skills each week at gymnastics class, he is talking more each day, he is a little comedian who can make anyone laugh, he has started coming to me for hugs at random moments during the day, he loves to look at books, he loves cars, he hates bed time, he watches and signs along with his Signing Time DVDs, he loves to play with playdoh, he can draw lines and circles, he "runs" around the house with his brother and sister and he says hi to strangers at the store.
I can't wait for next month to find out what he will do next!

The severity question...

I got this question a few times right after Logan was born, but even then, I found it irritating.
I took Devin to a new children's dentist today and somehow we got into a discussion about Logan and Down syndrome. I plan to take Logan to this dentist from now on, but he has not met him yet. Of course, he referred to Logan as a Downs child (and he said it repeatedly!), but it got even worse than that. He asked me "what is the severity of Logan's downs?" Seriously??!!! I just sat there stunned and then I told him there is no way to know that at this point.
Has anyone else had this question? Does it bother you? I just feel like people want to judge our kids before they have a chance to show their full potential. How does anyone know what a child is capable of shortly after they are born! I am expecting to learn about Logan over his entire lifetime. Who knows what he will be doing 5, 10 or 30 years from now. I believe the possibilities are endless and judging any child with DS so early in their life is completely unfair and would be harmful to their potential.
I am sick of meeting new doctors who claim to have experience with children with DS who seem so care so much, but then they let me down with the way they talk about our kids. I think I need to carry around a brochure to pass out to every doctor I come in contact with, that explains people first language!

I love to meet new bloggers!

I love to meet new parents who have a child with DS. Especially a new baby!! Every now and then I get an email from one of these new parents telling me how they have just found my blog. We then get to share about our kiddos and the best friendships and lines of support develop.
Tonight, I got an email from Katie. She has the most adorable son Jack! You can visit her blog and see for yourself how amazing little Jack is HERE. I always wish I could meet these little ones and their parents face to face. I guess you never know! I have been so lucky to meet a few of you who live across the country from me already!

Big Life Changes

Wow...it has been a while since I posted! Yikes! Life around here is changing fast and we have been in a sort of transition. Big life changes...but hopefully for the better. My husband made the difficult decision to resign from his career to pursue another. He will no longer teach and will now be working from home as a small business owner. This decision has, of course, been accompanied by many other big decisions that have made things a bit stressful, but I know everything will settle down eventually. Overall, I think that Dale will be happier and I will have more support at home and the freedom to come and go during the day. I think I couldn't ask for a better situation...as long as I don't get sick of seeing Dale everyday, all day! (Just kidding honey! )

I also have been meaning to post some video of Logan lately...just haven't found the time yet. He has many new words and signs!! So exciting!

Logie Bear!

One of our many nicknames for Logan is "Logie Bear". I think because he has always been and still is a big snuggler, even with strangers. I was at his ENT appointment the other day waiting in the waiting room and an older women, out of the blue, asked to hold him while I filled out paper work. Logan has had this affect on people lately. He draws a lot of attention, I think because he is toddling around like the new walker he is, and it is SO cute. And of course, he gives strangers the cutest looks with those big blue eyes! Anyway, he let this woman pick him up and he contently sat on her lap until we were called for his appointment. I was actually surprised he didn't put his head on her shoulder...that's what he usually does, but he was content to look at her and listen to everything she had to say to him. Just after Logan was born, I feared the negative comments that would be thrown our way and the stares we would receive and people refusing to acknowledge Logan. But, I have found the opposite to be true....for now anyway.

Today, Logan had no choice but to model a new hat a good friend made for me to use for my photography. It was time for me to put up some new pictures of him anyway...so here you go. Enjoy!

My Big Girl

Aubrey is growing and changing way too fast! She is crawling and now she is pulling herself up on everything...and taking some tumbles. She is desperate to keep up with her brothers.

I also have to admit that watching her change so fast has made me realize how differently Logan is developing. I had forgotten how it was to watch Devin, and I just went with the pace that Logan wanted to go. But now, I can't get over how quickly typical children change and develop. Honestly, I wish they would just slow down a bit. I have enjoyed the amount of time that we got to savor each of Logan's new milestones! I feel like I have gotten to enjoy him growing up more than Aubrey because she is just going too fast! Of course, I am thankful that she is doing so well...it's all just so bitter sweet.

I'm still here!

I have had a busy couple of weeks....so I have put off blogging (well, on this blog anyway), but a lot has happened that I want to share. I am not attached to my hard drive right now, so pictures later.

Last week, Devin learned...or should I say...decided to ride his bike without training wheels! Reality is starting to hit with him leaving for school in the fall. It will be here before I know it.

Logan is changing fast as well! He is starting to talk and he can do many more signs. He is also following one-step directions (when he wants to). It's fun to say, "Logan, it's time to eat" and watch him walk into the kitchen saying and signing eat! Today, he showed me how he knows how to whisper....it was adorable! He is also starting to climb anything low enough for him! We had a great time at our DSFN park playdate last week. There was so much for him to do at the park!

Aubrey is now 8 months old! I feel like the first 6 months or so were a blur. We were just so busy over the winter and not being an only child who gets a lot of one on one time makes me feel like I missed a lot. I am so thankful that at least I get to stay home with my kids.

Well, back to sitting at my rummage sale!

Waiting to celebrate

Logan will turn two in just over a month. Back when Logan was very small I dreamed of his 2nd birthday and how he would show off his new walking abilities. Well, I am feeling like it just may not happen. I was hoping for this big celebration, but now I just am not as excited about his upcoming birthday. I should be planning now and picking a date, but I just am having a hard time getting excited about it. People are asking more often now if he is walking...and I used to not mind saying no, because he wasn't 2 yet and I knew it probably wouldn't be until then. He still takes a few steps every now and then, but he is not walking. Walking to me would be more than just standing up and taking a couple of steps. He's not using these steps to get anywhere, just to show off that he can do it.
I love seeing other kids his age with DS starting to walk all over now, but I am beginning to be a little jealous I guess. I'm wishing that was Logan.

I got my heart broken...

This morning at breakfast Devin and I were chatting and he again brought up the fact that he wants another brother or sister.
Devin: "Mama, I want another baby sister."
Me: "You want another baby sister?" (Here we go again!)
Devin: "No, I want another baby brother."
Me: "Ok, we'll see."
Devin: "Not one like Logan though."
Me: "What do you mean?, Why not like Logan?"
Devin: "I just want a friend."

That's all he said...I wanted to pry and find out more, but my heart was broken and I feared that maybe I really didn't want to hear any more.

What does this mean??? Have my worst fears come true? Will Logan not be good enough for him? Will he always wish he had a typical brother to play with?

Lately, I've been excited about them playing together....but it's a little sad when Devin has to use his imagination when they play. For example, I will ask what they are doing and Devin will say they are playing hide and go seek, but Logan is just sitting there and Devin is hiding him under a box or blanket.

Will it get better??? I suppose it will. But I suspect that Devin is getting a little impatient. He has waited almost 2 long years to have a playmate.

I have to say though that Logan is blessed with the best big brother he could get. Devin plays with him the best he knows how. They do everything together even if Logan really isn't playing WITH Devin. Logan is more like playing BESIDE Devin. Devin knows what Logan wants to do and literally picks Logan up and carries him to what they are going to do next. I can see in Logan's eyes that he is on top of the world when his big brother is helping him along. Logan looks up to Devin already and Devin is most definitely Logan's favorite person in the world!

How others react to Logan

I feel like I haven't been saying much on this blog lately...I guess that's because I have been busy with photography stuff. I think I am actually posting more often on my photography blog. Anyway...Logan has been consistently taking several steps at a time, but he is still crawling most of the time. He still likes to try to walk all by himself...no help accepted. His walking attempts have really attracted a lot of staring lately when we're out. Strangers seem very entertained by watching Logan try to walk. (It IS super cute) I like that people notice Logan because I feel like he impacts people's opinions of people with Down syndrome. I often take him with me in public when I could just leave him home, because I feel like his world will be better place for him as an adult if the people of our community see him out as much as possible. We are extremely blessed that my husband works within our school district so all of the staff and most of the students know Logan. So, when he enters school, he will be well known and hopefully well accepted. I dream that when he is out around town as an adult, others will acknowledge him and talk to him.
I am also finding that he is very memorable for people. People remember him and his name, but rarely remember me or the other kids. People come up to me, who have seen us before, and say that they remember Logan and ask how he is doing. It's funny how this sweet, quiet little boy can attract so much attention without much effort. We often get comments about how well he plays and how he is so content. People sometimes say that like they are shocked. Like they would expect him to not play and not be so easy going. I'm not sure what they expect or what they are thinking when they see him and our family, but the smiles we get are nice. Right after we got Logan's diagnosis, I pictured being out with him and getting a lot of stares and that others would not talk to us...I pictured other families avoiding us and not wanting to interact with Logan. But so far, the reaction is the opposite. In fact, every now and then, I just want to sit and watch my kids play in public without others asking about Logan. But, most of the time I enjoy sharing how great he is and how well he is doing. He has turned out to be quite the famous little man!

Crossing my fingers...

I know that I will probably regret this post later...but I am crossing my fingers. My kids have not been sick this winter. The last time Logan was sick was last June, when he had his last ear infection. We took him to the doctor just about every week last winter. It was one thing after the next. I had a little scare last week when Logan woke up in the middle of the night crying and stuffy a few nights in a row. It turned out it was caused by two more molars coming in. He has his four big molars now, but we are still missing the teeth in front of them. Motrin every 6-8 hours got us through. I guess this winter may make up for our rough winter last year. I don't know what I would do if Logan needed to go to the doctor as much as last year, or especially if he had to stay in the hospital again. I would want to be with Logan, but I also have a nursing newborn to be there for. We will continue to be thankful for each healthy day!

Growing TOO fast...

I think that Aubrey is going to be the same size as Logan before we know it. Logan is growing, but not at the same rate as typical kids. The slow growth and small size is common for kids with DS. He was a chubby baby, but now he has been exactly the same weight for 1 year and he has grown only a few inches over the last year. His doctor is happy that he has slimmed down though. When he is around kids who are about 1 year old, he is very similar to their size. I guess that is ok. If he looks like a younger child, they don't expect him to act like his real age. He is the size of kids with similar abilities as him. If he was the size of a typical 20 month old, it sure would be much harder to carry him. I often wonder when Aubrey will catch up to Logan developmentally...and how I will feel about that...sad?...we'll see...one day at a time...

It's Different...

I knew that it was going to be a little different having a typical baby after getting used to Logan over the last year and a half. I first noticed how strong Aubrey is. I didn't think Logan wasn't strong when he was a newborn, but I was told his muscle tone was pretty good. It did take him a long time to gain good control of his head. I am just realizing now how low his muscle tone really was, and is. I am sure his doctors didn't want to discourage us at first.
Logan's milestones came very slowly at first. There were times when I thought he would never progress. I know that Aubrey will move right along with her milestones and I won't feel as much pressure to help her. With Logan, each milestone has taken much more practice and effort on his part. It doesn't seem fair. He has worked so hard when typical babies just gain skills with what seems like no effort at all.
I have a fear that Aubrey will just blow by Logan in no time. Instead, my hope is that Aubrey will push Logan to develop his skills, but I don't want her to leave him behind. I know I also have to face the reality.
One more thing, I feared that it would be hard to give each child the attention they deserve. Devin and Aubrey are always grabbing my attention, but Logan has so much patience and will wait for me to come to him. I want him to speak up! It's hard to remember to give him as much attention. I feel horrible about this, but I am going to make a point to give him all of the time I can. I can't wait until he can tell me exactly what he wants or is thinking.

99 Balloons

Life and each day in it is what you choose to make of it. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we choose to react to it. This video is the perfect example of making to most of each day no matter what life gives you.

This is it!

I honestly never thought this week would finally come. I think I am in a state of denial about what is about to happen. It's all just so unbelievable...my life has changed so dramatically in so many ways over the last almost 17 months, but I am thankful for ever minute. Logan and Devin have taught me so much about myself. Logan, especially, has made me a better Mom. Mostly, he has taught me to slow down and appreciate the little things in life. I am sad that Logan will not be my baby anymore. It's going to be hard to split my time between my babies and Devin. I just want to give them SO much, but I have no choice now but to divide myself the best I can.

I go to the doctor tomorrow morning for my last appointment and he will let me choose a day this week to be induced. I am very uncomfortable and tired, so I plan to ask to be induced as soon as possible, which will most likely be Wednesday.
Ready or not, here we go...

What's a "healthy baby"?

I wish I could participate in 31 for 21, but instead I plan to post about Down syndrome more than I would normally this month. I will be lucky if I can find time to blog once a week this month, let alone everyday!
As my due date approaches I often hear the same words over and over from people, especially from people who don't know me or my family. People like to start conversations with me about my pregnancy. It usually starts with "When are you due?" or "Do you know what you are having?", but it always ends with "As long as it is healthy, that's all that matters." When I hear that I get a sad feeling. What is a "healthy baby"? Before having Logan, I guess I would have considered a baby with DS or other birth defects an unhealthy baby, but are they really?? Logan was born without serious health problems and was and is very much like a typical "healthy baby". I guess I feel like they are saying "unhealthy" babies are not good enough or are a disappointment. During my current pregnancy, I have never said "I just hope she is healthy", because I feel guilty, like I am saying Logan was not good enough and I want this baby to be better. This time, I just want what God is going to give me. However she comes into this world and whoever she is, is what I want. I know that people are afraid of a baby with serious life threatening health issues, I am too, but I am not afraid of a baby that is just different or a little enhanced like Logan.

Proper use of language for Down syndrome

I came across an article today that did a great job of describing the proper way to describe a person with Down syndrome. I've been wanting to post on this subject before now, but I wanted to make sure I knew the proper language myself. This article was posted due to the birth of Sarah Palin's son Trig. Since his birth, the media has not always done a good job of using the correct language when talking about people with Down syndrome.

Down vs. Down's. NDSS and NDSC use the preferred spelling, Down syndrome, rather than Down's syndrome. While Down syndrome is listed in many dictionaries with both popular spellings (with or without an apostrophe s), the preferred usage in the United States is Down syndrome. This is because an “apostrophe s” connotes ownership or possession. Down syndrome is named for the English physician John Langdon Down, who characterized the condition, but did not have it. The AP Stylebook recommends using “Down syndrome” as well.

People with Down syndrome should always be referred to as people first. Instead of “a Down syndrome child,” it should be “a child with Down syndrome.” Also avoid “Down's child” and describing the condition as “Down's,” as in, “He has Down's.”

Down syndrome is a condition or a syndrome, not a disease.

People “have” Down syndrome, they do not “suffer from” it and are not “afflicted by” it.

It is clinically acceptable to say “mental retardation,” but you may want to use the more socially acceptable “cognitive disability” or “cognitive impairment.”

I also came across some myths about people with Down syndrome that may be interesting to those who don't know much about DS. Here is the link if you are interested:

http://www1.ndss.org/index.php?option=com_docman&task=doc_view&gid=162&Itemid=292%22title%22Click