Friday, March 27, 2009

I got my heart broken...

This morning at breakfast Devin and I were chatting and he again brought up the fact that he wants another brother or sister.
Devin: "Mama, I want another baby sister."
Me: "You want another baby sister?" (Here we go again!)
Devin: "No, I want another baby brother."
Me: "Ok, we'll see."
Devin: "Not one like Logan though."
Me: "What do you mean?, Why not like Logan?"
Devin: "I just want a friend."

That's all he said...I wanted to pry and find out more, but my heart was broken and I feared that maybe I really didn't want to hear any more.

What does this mean??? Have my worst fears come true? Will Logan not be good enough for him? Will he always wish he had a typical brother to play with?

Lately, I've been excited about them playing together....but it's a little sad when Devin has to use his imagination when they play. For example, I will ask what they are doing and Devin will say they are playing hide and go seek, but Logan is just sitting there and Devin is hiding him under a box or blanket.

Will it get better??? I suppose it will. But I suspect that Devin is getting a little impatient. He has waited almost 2 long years to have a playmate.

I have to say though that Logan is blessed with the best big brother he could get. Devin plays with him the best he knows how. They do everything together even if Logan really isn't playing WITH Devin. Logan is more like playing BESIDE Devin. Devin knows what Logan wants to do and literally picks Logan up and carries him to what they are going to do next. I can see in Logan's eyes that he is on top of the world when his big brother is helping him along. Logan looks up to Devin already and Devin is most definitely Logan's favorite person in the world!


Maureen said...

Oh Melanie, I have tears in my eyes. Nathaniel and Penny play "hide and go seek" too just like that, but he is 6 so he understands more. Devin is still in that age where he thinks that the world should revolve around him. You can't blame him for feeling this way because as awesome as Logan is, he wasn't what you expectied either. But I pray that it will get better for you as he gets older! Hugs!!!

Laurie said...

OMG, I'm waiting for this moment. I feel the same way, that Ian is and will always be, an awesome big brother...but what happens when we have to start explaining things...? I don't know if I have words good enough for his little self.

Anonymous said...

There is a blogger that has a brother with Down Sydrome and talks about their growing up years and how much she loves her brother.
She talks about some of the frustrations they endured growing up but she has such love for her brother and his life. You may want to read her comments.
Have a nice day.

Anonymous said...

It will get better! Before you know it they will be the best of friends. The language barrier is usually the main issue. My 7 and 4 year old are as stuck as glue. They are so in love with one another.

Brandi said...

I also had tears running down my face as I was reading this. You are right though, Logan sure does have the best big brother he could ever have! I believe it will get better. Devin is at a tough age right now and like the others said I think as Logan gets a little older and is able to communicate more it will be much easier for all of you. Keep smiling:-)

Heidi said...

Oh, that is so hard. My biggest concern with Joel has always been related to Caleb.

Caleb doesn't pay a lot of attention to Joel (he's pretty self focused!) but I know he would have a lot more fun with him if he could walk/run and talk. One day.

The moments that Caleb does interact with Joel I cherish so much. Joel, like Logan, admires Caleb so much! He LOVES it whenever Caleb gives him any attention. The thing that Caleb loves the best is when Joel laughs at something he does. It's pretty cute.

So, I just hold onto those great moments and hope for the future moments.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It really helps to hear when others have these difficult moments - makes me feel like I'm not the only one!

Anonymous said...

Last week our neighbor boy referred to Wyatt as "dumb" and Randy, who has no time for that trash talk let the kid know that Wyatt is not dumb!! Even though Randy is four yrs older than Wyatt and they do not play together much, there is a deep connection. I have a guess, that this event with your boys is only temporary. In the blink of an eye, Devin will take Logan to ball games and they will be pals.
Once Devin turns 6 yr. old he can participate in the Fox Valley Sibling Support Network and my older kids really like this group. It helps them greatly and hopefully Devin can get in on some activities too. Jayne

Linda said...

This post makes my heart hurt for you. You're right, Logan has the best big brother. I think sometimes it's important to remember that kids say what they're thinking at that second. Devin may have been disappointed right then because of something that happened. I truly believe that things will get better as Logan gets older. I also think that kids take our lead just like anyone does when it comes to how they view our kids with DS. Devin will take your lead when it comes to Logan. I will keep you guys in my prayers. Hugs to you!

datri said...

Hugs. That's tough. I get it from my older 7 year old daughter all the time though. I guess it's worse because her almost 5 year old sister has autism in addition to Down syndrome. So she doesn't engage at all. The irony of it was that The Hubs wanted a 2nd kid so the 1st would have someone to play with (I would have been perfectly happy with one).

Jeanette said...

My son Anthony said something similar recenty, he is 5 and my daughter Sydney (with DS) is 20 months. He said that he wanted a brother and not another sister. I asked "Why" and he said "So I can play with him". I told him that "If we have another baby (BTW, totally out of the question) then he would still have to wait about two-three years for the new baby to play the way he wanted to play. He just looked at me and said "That's okay, I'll just play with Sydney".

I am noticing that the older she gets, the more she is copying him and he has learned how to "get" her to do things and takes great joy in doing so. It may be helpful to know that several friends say that when their middle child has DS, the younger one will probably be the closer of the two when it comes to playing. You never know.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

All I can say is, it will happen. When I found out that Kennedy was a girl, I was SO excited for her and Kassidy to do all the "girl stuff". Play with dolls, play dress up, when they got older they could talk about boys and borrow each other's clothes. I dreamt that they would be BEST friends. When Kennedy was born, that dream was shattered, I thought.

We explained Down syndrome the best we could, in child terms, to Kassidy and she's always embraced Kennedy but I could tell there was a frustration there when Kennedy was little. "WHY isn't she (walking, talking, playing, etc etc) yet?"

Now, Kennedy is almost 5. Kassidy doesn't like dress up anymore but Kennedy LOVES it. She and Kassidy have tea parties and they play with dolls together and they laugh and have SO much fun. One day they will share secrets and talk about boys. I have no doubt.

One day your boys will be talking about cute girls and cool cars, their time is coming and Devin will be SO proud to have the BEST brother EVER!

Kerry and Tom said...

HUGS to you I would write more but it appears others have already written what i would have said.. so just know i am thinking about you guys and it will all be okay...
love to you!!

Little Miss E said...

As Logan grows, he will get more involved in their play. You will see!! And I'm sure Logan is "good enough", Devin just wants him to "do more" which he will! B was the same way and now he can't get Em to leave him alone and NOT want to play with him!

Bethany said...

Aww that breaks my heart too!

BTW I'm not sure that Pioneer Woman's brother has DS, does he? I read her blog, perhaps I missed that part? I know there has been controversy with her use of the R word, but I've not heard that he has DS.

Bethany said...

Confirmed ... pioneer woman's brother doesn't have DS. He has another syndrome ... she just twittered me!

Anyway ... LOL

arnesona said...

Thanks for sharing this. It does make me think. I pray that it will get better:) I appreciate your honesty!