Monday, June 9, 2008

Uncomfortable stares..

This past weekend we went out of town for a wedding. We only knew the bride a groom and a few other people. It's been very rare for us to go where we don't know many people (besides shopping), since Logan has been born. I have to say it was interesting and an experience I had been fearing for a while. In reading other blogs, I have come across other's experiences with strangers making comments out loud about their child with DS. I hoped it would NEVER happen to me, but it's too late. Logan and I got a lot of stares at the wedding. Long double takes, which I have to say is not new, but the conversations I overheard were what bothered me. We were just sitting after the meal at our table and behind us I overheard a couple talking. One word jumped out at me, amniocentesis. I then tried to listen, and they were talking about a couple who had a DS scare during a pregnancy. The conversation ended with "everything ended fine though, thank God!". I thought to myself, good for them!, yeah right. Another time we were walking past a group of people back to our table when one of the women saw me coming and said to her friend "she's coming" and their conversation stopped immediately.

I hope that from now on I'm not going to shy away from places where people don't know us. Our family and friends and even people in our town are great about what they say to us and around us.

I have found that either people stare and avoid you or they want to talk to you. These outgoing people want to tell you about a child or adult they know of with DS. Most of the time I don't mind talking to them.

I wanted to also share some cute pics and a video from our weekend. I discovered Logan loves sand and that he loves water even more than I thought. Every time we walked away from the water he twisted his body back towards it. He even didn't mind if the water was cold. I also found out that Devin is even braver than I thought. He concurred a huge water slide.


Logan still loves to swing.

Devin did the big steps down to the beach all by himself...and went back up too!

Logan, enjoying the sun!

Logan loved to pick up sand...never put it in his mouth!

My boys having fun!

Logan wasn't sure about he cold water at first.
So wet, he had to lose the shirt! We were just going to dip our toes in.

The "HUGE" water slide.

They had a perfect pool for Logan. He didn't want to leave it.


Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Ugh I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Unfortunately it probably won't be the last time. Now that Kennedy is older whenever anyone stares I just smile and say, "Say hello Kennedy!" And she waves and smiles and says "HI!!!" and USUALLY the people will smile in return and say how cute she is. Now we did have one guy who had a heart of stone and Kennedy was trying SO hard to get his attention. She was smiling, flirting, saying hi over and over and he REFUSED to look at her. Jerk. Something tells me he would have been that way even if she DIDN'T have Ds though! haha

sarah said...

Sorry you had to go through that, I've experienced similar things a few times now, and I just usually feel bad for the person because they'll never know the pure joy my son brings. Sad to me that some people live in such a world that they can't see the perfection in my sons beautiful face. Hugs to you and let me say I just love your little Logan, I think he is just an absolute doll!!!

Tiffanyrose said...

Hi, I am Tiffany and I found your blog through my friend Laurie's. I have to tell you how sorry I am that you had to endure the naivety of people. I find myself drawn to those beautiful babies and loving them so much. I do not have a child with DS but I love one as if he were mine. My heart aches for the cruelness that is in world the and the difficult time that they may potentially have. I just wanted to tell you I think that both of your boys are perfect and it would be an honor to have them in my company one day.

Michelle said...

It's so sad, how people fear the unknown. I guess we were lucky to have known people w/DS even before we had Ruby in our lives. It's funny, I remember my friends being pregnant & talking about their "numbers" from their prenatal testing. I bet people won't share that with me anymore! Good riddance.

Looks like you had a beautiful time outside this weekend! Where were you?

The Balsis Family said...

I'm so sorry that you had to experience those crazy people! Today I was at the play area at the mall, and most people just smile at Payton and treat her like any other kid. But there was a couple girls with their kids ... well one of the moms stopped tying her son's shoes to just stare at Payton, who was standing right in front of her. And believe me, it wasn't a good stare. She was staring so intently that she didn't even realize I was standing a couple steps behind Payton just staring at this mom. Finally she looked over at me and let's just say I think she got the picture. LOL

Chris said...

I'm sorry you were put in such an uncomfortable position. Whenever this happens, I just smile. I think that sometimes people stare because they are not accustomed to seeing babies\small children with Ds. Honestly, before I had John, I can't recall seeing anyone with Ds who was under the age of 10.

It is sad that when people see our kids, they immediately wonder "Did she have an amnio?" "Did she choose this child or was it a surprise." I hate that. It makes me so sad.

My one hope is that maybe you made these people rethink what it means to have a child with Ds. Maybe the next time they see a child with Ds, they won't be so rude. Maybe they'll remember sweet Logan and realize that some their presumptions were just flat out wrong.

I don't know how anyone could look at Logan and not be swept up in his cuteness!

Laurie said...

You know, I've been trying to figure out the right words to respond to your post. It irks me that people are so blatently condescending? rude? ignorant? I'm taking it upon myself to show people like that what an awesome kid Chase is. Logan is amazing. You are amazing. Your family is amazing, and other people HAVE to see that.

debi said...

I saw you at the Z family blog. You have 2 cute little guys. I am so sorry for what ignorant people put you through. You are blessed.