Wednesday, December 19, 2007
What I Wish
I wish that when Logan was born, especially right after he was born, I would have looked at him as the perfect little boy he is...instead of having the feelings I had. It WAS hard to bond at first. All I could think about was the DS. I regret not being happy and taking tons of pictures etc. We even turned away our visitors...which was wrong...we just didn't want to face reality and we didn't want others to see us upset. What a shame...I wish I would have known then what I know now...because I would have invited everyone I know to come see us at the hospital.
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5 comments:
It took me a few months to see past Rylie's DS- I have the same regrets like you, I wish I could go back in time so I could have said, Oh Rylie has DS, no big deal I love her just the same, but it wasn't that way. I cried a lot the first few months I think for most people it is just such a shock, and then you have to deal with medical issues too. When MY first daughter was born everything went great and she was so healthy-so I expected it to be the same when Rylie was born-but it wasn't and it hurt so much. Like I wrote before in one of my post- I should have reached out more to other parents. I am sorry I'm rambling on about myself.This is your post.LOL! The most important thing is that we try not to regret the past and just enjoy our kids in the moment, but sometimes it's hard not to look back and say I wish....
I'm right there with you. It seems unfathomable that I curled up in an emotional ball for a couple weeks. I didn't answer my phone, requested to be left alone, and didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I was thinking this past week how I so wish there were more pics of her when she was a newborn. Those weeks in the NICU are the ones I wish I could have back... but now I've tried to turn that into connecting with other new moms to let them know they are NOT going crazy, that it's not abnormal to grieve and feel shock for a time. The beauty is getting past it and seeing our little ones for the precious gifts that they are. That goes double for Logan!!
It's both amazing and comforting to me that we basically all have the same story. As for me, honestly I just wanted to die, I just knew that I couldn't do this. People would say comforting things but it was no help, they had no idea what I was going through. It would have been so nice if I had stumbled across these blogs when Ella was first born. I would not have felt so alone. But, look at us all now, and more importantly look at our beautiful, happy, truly amazing children!!
Ahhh I'm right there with you... I think we all went through the same thing to some extent. I always say that I'm so glad I have the rest of my life to make it up to Kennedy :). It's all just part of the journey.
I understand how you felt - when I found out that my son would be born with DS I was crushed. I was fortunate though to find out at 20 weeks pregnant about the DS so I was so happy when Eric arrived, I didn't have to worry about telling anyone as they already knew etc.
Bad thing knowing ahead of time is that I had a very miserable, depressing pregnancy. I went through the same thing, but I hadn't met my little angel yet. As soon as I laid eyes on him I fell in love!
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