Friday, November 2, 2007

Reality Sets In

Ok, I should not have done it...but I did. I was doing a great job holding out. I didn't open any baby books or watch any old videos. I peeked today, and I am not even sure why. Devin was pulling himself up at 6 months. Logan will be 6 months in under 2 weeks. Devin had been sitting up for months and crawling too at 6 months. Logan is still working on holding his head well and I don't think he will sit for a while. I had recently convinced myself that I didn't care, but I think I do care very much. I feel a heavy reality setting in now. I long for Devin to have a playmate...I worry how long it will be until they can really play. Sometimes I feel like I let Devin down.


rylie's mom said...

Awww-don't worry they will play! Karlie is four years older then Rylie and they play together. One of Karlie's favorite things to do is read to Rylie and have Rylie point to pictures in the book.If you read my post today I wrote about how I thought Karlie was going to be mad at me when Rylie was born-now I realize how silly that was-but I do understand how you are feeling.

RK said...

I don't have an older child of my own to compare to, but I have a few friends who have babies within weeks of Braska's age. That's the hard part for me. Seeing them stand and cruise while Braska works her hardest to sit wobbly-like for only 10 seconds at 3 weeks shy of a year old... I do fine until those times.

Michelle said...

Oh Mel. I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad about this.

You know, people with siblings who have special needs, often grow up to be remarkable, caring people. I'm sure Devin will gain so much compassion from growing up with Logan. And they will play together - just differently. Not as you imagined. That's hard, but still, they can have a wonderful relationship.

Try not to worry about Logan's development, but I know it's hard not to. I keep telling myself, even if Ruby isn't walking until she's 2 or 3 years old - that's okay. She will walk.

I think that's part of why I love seeing the older kids at the playgroups - to see how Ruby will be, how much she'll be able to do. And, Logan will, too!

Laurie said...

Gosh, I feel like I could have written this. Literally. I have 2 boys, am a former teacher, and am also learning how to live this unexpected life with Ds.

I found your blog through a link at A Little Something Extra, and I'm so glad I did.

My boys are 2 years, 2 months apart. Chase (DS)is just a little over 6 mos. I try try TRY not to compare. But one of my favorite pictures of Ian is on the wall- him sitting, unassisted, with a basket on his head at 6 months. Chase sits unassisted for about 2 seconds before folding flat with his head touching his toes now.


Maria said...

Karl and Mathilde were age 4 and 2 when Hendrik was born. They completely accepted him as he is. They do not have any sense of loss. It didn't concern them that he wasn't sitting/crawling/walking at the age he 'should' have; in fact, they unknowingly took the advantage that they had more time to play with things without his 'interference'. When he started crawling and got into their toys, they began building 'baby barriers' with furniture to keep him at a distance. This served as incentive to teach him to climb! He now plays with them and they teach him the rules of play.

Hendrik is not medically fragile, so the kids tumbled and wrestled with him when he was past the small infant stage.

The older kids understand he needs more support in learning how to do things, and after their participation in Birth to 3 home visit, they began doing a lot of natural hand-over-hand guidance.

Now we say "Hendrik see, Hendrik do", because he will do whatever the older kids do.

No doubt as they grow older, the older siblings will start having deep questions about Hendrik's future, but I can already see that they are strong advocates for him, and they accept others for who they are too.

Our family is matter-of-fact about Hendrik and Down syndrome; his siblings had the advantage of immediate and complete acceptance of things being the way they are.
They didn't need to sort through their emotions and fears as I did.